Yes you may have noticed this is a WWCD (What Would Caroline Do) and not a WWMD (What Would Michelle Do) this week, Michelle is on vacation (the lucky bish) but the questions for aid in the dating department still need answering. As explained in our first WWMD post, this woman has taught me everything I ever needed to know about dating; from why men are the way they are, to basically how to act in public, and after 7+ years of taking her advice I’m feeling relatively fit to dole it out myself. There’s so much dating going wrong in our world, and it may be worst in our fair city so we’re here to help in any way we can. Why should you listen to us you ask? Because we just know things, ok, so read on and decide for yourself!
This week I had someone write to me:
“I went on 3 incredible dates with a guy, I was really into him , he seemed really into me (we even kissed on our 3rd date), but before we had the chance to plan our 4th date he dropped the “I just want to be friends” bomb on me. My heart sank. This is the first guy in a really long time I actually liked and he doesn’t want to date me. What do I do?”
We’ve heard this story time and time again, shit I’ve been the receiving end of being put in the friend zone too – I think we all have. This is the first thing to remember: anyone who’s ever dated has likely felt rejected, you’re not the only one. The best thing to do, the only thing to do, is to respond (to him/her via which ever mode of communication) with something along the lines of, “no problem I appreciate your honesty. It’s certainly a bummer but it was great meeting you and thank you for some great dates :)”. You know what you’re doing when you respond with a sense of nonchalance? You’re maintaining your power. The dumper is probably expecting he/she is really hurting your feelings, and if he/she truly is don’t give them the opportunity to feel sorry for you – it doesn’t do any good. If you have any hope down the line that “they’ll change their mind”, the only shot you have at doing that is pretending you don’t give a shit. We always want what we suddenly can’t have, we’re always looking for the chase. If they ever do come back around, you’ll likely find you didn’t want to be with them anyway – I’m here to tell you, you’re too good to ever be passed up once let alone twice by the same person.
A huge question in this scenario can be the “should I actually be friends with this person” part. My answer is probably not, especially if you feel you may have really been falling for that person. There’s a chance they threw the friends card to lessen the blow, there’s a chance they’re trying to make themselves feel better about the situation by believing they’re doing you a favor instead of themselves, and, there’s a chance the friend card means “we can be friends with benefits?” which you do not want – huge red flag if that is ever brought up. In the rare occasion neither of you were that attracted to each other and you think you could play video games or go get coffee like friends do (?), you’ve got room to make new friends, then why not. But the general consensus I’ve found amongst my friends and my own experiences, rarely does this ever happen. Save yourself the added stress – don’t go there.
Key thing to remember is if they don’t want to date you then they’re not necessarily worth your time anyway, you know you deserve to date/ be with someone that’s into you as much as you are into them. It always blows feeling like you’ve been “rejected” but appreciate the fact that he/she was honest in letting you know they’re not looking to date you – no sweat off your back and on to the next one. We all get dealt the friend card, I’m sure even people like Alessandra Ambrosia and Ryan Gosling did too at one point. Energy goes where attention flows and at least you can say you’re trying. Your match is out there somewhere!
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